I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
