I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
