OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
