Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my shit smells like andre
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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