He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
