I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
