My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize