Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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