never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
