So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
