what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
