Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You are a genius and a whore.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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