I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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