I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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