Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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