Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
