My pussy is not your playground.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
