I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
