I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
