Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
