I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
