Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
