I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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