dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Welp...herpes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
