I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
