pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
