Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
