Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
