look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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