At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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