At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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