There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
