New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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