There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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