he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
