I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize