and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
