i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
