With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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