i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
