Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
