i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
