I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
