I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
