As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
