I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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