i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
