I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
