Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
