Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
